I’m BROKE ! (thousands of exclamation mark)

Today I just bought GMAT (Graduate Management Aptitude Test) and JLPT 3 (Japanese Language Proficiency Test) books along with sinful Godchild volume 8. The first two are worth to be called long term investment, while the latest one only works well to activate my ‘wildest imagination whatsoever’. In short, I am BROKE!

Moreover, parents asked me to go home during Easter break, mainly because my sister is having holidays and she will be coming home. Now I am DOUBLE BROKE! Citizen of povertyland!

Last Volume = Frantic Revelation O_o

Well, leave that issue for now. The latest volume of Godchild was so heart-wrenching, a feeling that doesn’t make you cry, instead makes you ponder a lot about the teary plotline. Now I can truly comprehend the gorgeousness of warmth boys’ love relationship (and I mercilessly forced this pacifist girl to read over the manga *hey girl, make sure you read this -pointing out a rusty blade*).

Please Don’t Go With the Wind

No matter how much heaven wants you for its sake
Another me will always try to catch you
So that you won’t be disappeared with the wind

*

These recent months I have been very busy looking for good story that I favor so much. Kindly note that it has to be bloody, angsty, has blatant ‘boys love’ aspect and full of controversy and lethal twist, so I guess it won’t be that easy to find at least one.

And then I am thinking, hey, why don’t I create one?

And so, it has been completed around 60% of total. Initially I planned to submit this so-called novel to one of teen-literature competition back in Indonesia, but then again, I got so pessimistic considering that it might not be suitable with the local taste. Moreover, the deadline will be on the 6^th of March. Well, looking at my current workload that enables me to work overtime until the end of March, I think that is not possible to aim for that competition. Let’s try to be more realistic (if not ‘pragmatic’). Forget that baby, lets make it for the personal consumption purpose instead!

Since I am a geek for those psychological and murder issue, the storyline has been centered around the themes of angsty, murder, unconditional love (and pretty much normal love as well!), not to mention it has abundant of characters having problems with obsessive compulsive, dependent, histrionic, pedophilic, narcissistic, emo =p, split personality disorder, superiority and inferiority complex, suicidal, psychotic, anti-social, and schizotypal (stop right here, otherwise I might end up copying from psychology textbook).

However, currently I am not in the mood to write, as the project has been discontinued since the beginning of February due to my crazy workload. As soon as I am done with office business, I will start writing again.

* pardon the lousy illustration, it was made above a failure report paper during working hours T_T

Ikastara65 Outing @ East Coast

It was damn-fun, and the food was great! I am looking forward to the next outing ^o^. Apology for not being able to spend a night in the chalet, as I got something to do.

'boi-boi-an' (guys could you create a cooler name?)

Played a frenzy game called 'boi-boi-an' (what a name O_o) and got exhausted after about an hour trying. Not a recommended game for a couch potato like me =p.

Hungry Apratz waiting for BBQ session *humm*

*picture courtesy of Dina, sankyou!

Getting hooked to Friendster or Facebook is damaging…

… at least it applied for my dearest self. Frankly speaking, Friendster or Facebook (or Blogger or Whatever), are purposedly erected to create virtual social network, for people to socialize with other people even from across the continent. That was a splendidly brilliant idea to support globalization and the idea of making this world boundariless (well, Anita Roddick might oppose to this, but let’s leave her at it is).

Nevertheless, it is undeniable that it works out very well towards people who are longing for acknowledgement from the virtual world (something that she/he couldn’t derive from her actual world). This bunch of people will work their ass off to create imageries of ‘ideal self’ (instead of ‘actual self’) on those medium of acknowledgment. They will publish the fabricated and well-polished self portrait to emphasize on their (pseudo?) physical attraction, make so much hype of their achievement as if those are really a big deal amongst all traits that they have, et cetera, et cetera (sorry, I couldn’t elaborate much further).

I have once investigated this, and found interesting fact. Mostly, the wannabes are amongst the Asians (not to mention Indonesians), and not much of the Caucasians or people from neighborhood continent. Perhaps my random sample is pretty much biased, but kindly remember that Asians are being colonialized since the ancient time. This feeling of being underdog, and incapability to be proud of ‘what they currently have’ trigger them to create more buzz of ‘ideal self’. So here we are, the third world country that is being victimized by the evil consumerism (a no #1 product of capitalism). People are not yet proud of themselves if they don’t wear lavish clothes and consume luxurious brands. People are not yet proud of what they have unless they wear imported goods in every occasion. And voila, we spend much of what we can get.

After swamping all of you with this globalization crap, let’s get back to the Friendster/Facebook/Blogging issue…

In the end, I realize that I might have problem with self-confident issue, so I feel indifferent when seeing so much hype on some individual’s FS/Facebook/blog (either the authentic or the fabricated one). I often feel like I was like a useless retard when I compare myself with those damn lucky talented and high achiever folks on those ‘medium of acknowledgment’. I feel like, what am I doing until now, that I am unable to do something beneficial or significant towards myself and the environment?

Trust it or not, it damages my self esteem so much that I intend to stop involving myself on FS/FB/blog business. Okay, I hope that this underdog mindset only conquers my mind temporarily.

Warning : This post contains mega spoiler (especially for those who are not reading Naruto until the latest chapter)

What Is The Outcome of Itachi-Sasuke Fight?

I sincerely hope that it would turn out like this (Uchihacest FTW!)

Anyway it is true that I'm a loyal Sasu-tard ever since I followed Naruto, but I just detest him for being too dominant in this ItaSasu fight. I don't want Itachi to die in Sasuke's hand (damn Kishi is giving Sasuke too much hype, i start to hate him since he killed Deidara!).

From now on, I'm thinking to convert to Uchihaters, no, let's make it Sasuke-hater X(.

This is getting more serious, i mean- dead serious!

I've been sick for the past 2 days when I reached Jakarta. It was not an ordinary health problem -i suppose, since I never experienced that kind of thing in the past (I had weird stomach-pain that makes me hard to breathe and even triggers me to vomit when I start eating). It was until today that I managed to see a Medical Oncologist, in order to find out more about this sickness. The result was more serious than I thought : problems lie not only on the gastric but also liver (and a bit on the bile). I will undergo a holistic medical check up on Tuesday later on.

I guess, this is the result of my bad quality of life that I lead ever since I was a kid, and my current job nature happens to make things even worse.

Now I come to a very serious question.

Shall I quit my current job?

I am a Devil, yes, the Dorky one!

Managed to find one of my superficially devilish picture in one office party. Here it is :

MB's X-Mas Party @Wine House

this will make :"Pretty Girl, Dorky Devil and Drunken Santa" (picture courtesy of Miki)

FYI, Apratz is a good girl, she doesn't drink wine in there...

Anyway, I will be going back to Jakarta during Chinese New Year holiday (6 Feb 2008 - 11 Feb 2008), so I guess, enjoy your vacation!

You know what..?

1) It is already 11.42 PM. Midnight. (behold, Cinderella was about to turn back into a poor servant lady!)

2) Apratz just drank 2 bottles of Red Bull (equivalent to Kratingdaeng for those who aren't familiar with). With her determined gaze, she's pulling her hair up and wearing her old-fashioned specs.

3) It's time to get back to work, She feel kinda energized already.

Fact : Due to some dorky mistakes she has done, Apratz needs to redo her work within a super tight and merciless timeline *sobbing*. Kindly cross your finger on Apratz, as she's currently being zombified and ready to devour whoever passes by on her (it seems that she's going to have mental breakdown very soon. For pacification sake, let's call nearest mental hospital before everything is too late).

OSU!