Monday, December 12, 2005

Voiceless Hymn at the Moment of Madness

Karena mimpimu hanyalah milikmu,

Yang akan membawamu menuju cahaya pengharapan

Sekalipun dalam terowongan yang paling gelap

Sebab hatimu adalah kepunyaanmu

Yang selalu membimbingmu dalam segala keraguan

Walaupun perasaan itu masih tertidur dengan lelap

Jangan dengar kata mereka

Karena mimpimu bukanlah milik mereka

Bukan pula peduli mereka

Jangan acuhkan bicara mereka

Karena hatimu bukanlah kepunyaan mereka

Tidak juga kepentingan mereka

Maka mulai saat ini, hapuslah keraguan itu

Dan jangan pernah menengok ke belakang

Melangkah lagi, sekali lagi

Biarkan kamu menjadi dirimu

Karena seorang kamu adalah hanya dirimu

Special Thanks to Mr. Not Hyde Fans :)
~Whoa, tasteless indonesian lyrics X(, but hey, i am just trying!~

Sunday, December 11, 2005

My Fantasy-Class in RPG World ^o^!


Pretty cool, huh? Even though i am passionate enough to be a swordsman (or swordswoman?), Archer is more likely fitting my natural personality. Huhu, i should not put an extra effort to take this matter seriously. It is just for fun anyway, made for you by Quizzila ^o^.

~Spoiler alert for those who aren't into RPG XD~

Friday, December 09, 2005

Lamest Day, Pitiable Day

Why I always carry out unnecessary mistakes and unworthy flaws? As for today, I did it again! I made so many things go unwell. Okay, let’s see how awful they are:

L’Oreal E-Strat Challenge

Dearest my beloved honorable partners, I am so sorry for making you nuisance at all times. I was collapsed at our working time, thus really cannot overcome the case (which we should do collectively). Things are going worst when I have other crucial things to do. Again, my sincerest apologize will go to both of youT_T.


Again I feel very guilty for this commitment. Afterwards I irresponsibly breached it. Having told so many people that I would join these seminar series, in fact I didn’t attend them. Speechless all the times aren’t really worth, but I am really sorry for such inconsistency. I was trying hard to finish any other deadline in the last minute, but it really didn’t much work. Even I myself cannot manage my schedule properly. For the second time, I am very regretful for not joining this eventT_T.

Solar Innovation 2006~Publication

Lamest design at all times! I hate myself for this excessive confident. I must know before that I am just a photoshop beginner; therefore I should realize that it will not helpful enough to handle all tasks of publicity section. In result, I just can manage to create failure works all over again T_T.

4) Student Assistant (Interviewer)

I keep violate the deadline given. But fortunately, this employment is finished already. Not to mention that I am so relieved, still I do some unnecessary mistakes for this essential job. Why I keep doing mistakes, is there something I am able to do without any flaws? AnythingT_T?

Ikastara Job

It is all about constructing the research design. Finished 75% already; however I still have no time to complete it perfectly. Argh, I am yearning of holiday!T_T

~Still pondering, what was the start of all these? Perhaps it is impossible to seize the answer now, from deep within the bottomless river of time~

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Lunasea brings Lunacy!

You know, it's said that in reality
No one is able to love
When I met that frightened you
I finally understood that meaning

OMG, Lunasea is deliciously poisoning my current thought! Like any other j-rock songs, it unconsciously blows up my mind and brings away my soul into the mystifying feelings of Ryuichi's vocal. I am referring to its song titled 'I For You', the closing song of very popular J-Dorama.

If I was born
Only to meet you
I wonder if I could change
I want to tell you, from my heart

I just love the lyrics. When it comes to j-rock, every single words in certain songs become very very fabulously meaningful for me. And this time it shows it. Even though this song is so so mellow-ish, it doesn't bother to its loveliness at all ^_^.

Sadly, Lunasea is disband already. My deepest condolescenes for all their beautiful works in the future. Nevertheless, still their gorgeous melodies and harmonious rhytems stay everlastingly in my memories ^_^.

You've been hurt too much,
but we'll still make it in time
I love you from my heart
I want to wipe away the pain that falls on you
Everything is I for you

(* in red taken from 'I For You' by Lunasea)

Why it was really a struggle to find Lunasea's pics -_-'

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Impulsive Buyer goes to Johor Baru

Even though I am already sophomore in NTU, I never visit Johor Baru for sure. Not to mention that I am so ashamed, finally after so many detriments wait ahead I go there along with Karina, Wewoen, Adilla and Fika. Yatta!

Somewhat I feel that JB is a reminiscence of Jakarta, or particularly, terminal blok-M. The smells, situational areas and the people (off course) are more likely stimulated us to instantly think that we are here in Jakarta.

But what I am trying to say here is, I find so many stuffs I’ve been hunting for such a long time there. After so desperately leeching in mIRC, and crazily pursuing ‘it’ in so many anime stores, i coincidentally discover ‘it’ in JB. ‘It’ is referring to completed anime series namely Yami no Matsuei ^_^. With cost only 15RM worth for a beautiful anime series and style, feels like I have found a precious treasure.

Moreover, I luckily notice so many cute novels in such a bargaining price. Every single novel costs 5RM only! Yay, my shopacholic instinct naturally leads me to buy 3 novels once in a time. Finally I can buy novel after timeless waiting in uncertainty ^o^.

Those reckless and impulsive acts are really my fatal mistakes! I bring $10 only, which means I should borrow more money to cover up my leaky budget.

For Karin,Wewoen, Adilla, I am so sorry for hastily being your thoughtless leecher. Next time I will come with any back up plan for such condition!

Monday, December 05, 2005

Secrecy in the Silent Night

I saw your face beneath the pale of the moonlight
Your warmest smile was not there anymore

I noticed your tears under the silence of the night
Those crystallize tears quietly began to flow

Wishing to wipe away your tears
With all my sincerest gentleness and tenderness

Yearning to embrace your fears
Extending both of these hands towards yourself and your heart

Can I erase your pain? Please give me a chance!

But then again I was afraid of seeing you
Just for talking with you, I had no courage
Just to gaze at you, I remained in cowardice

Even if my love had reached the ends of time
It will never and never certainly reach you

Along with all my painful unspoken true feelings
Altogether through my deepest melancholy and treachery inside
All that left behind was just the frozen me…

..and my frozen heart

Note :
Give me a 'woo'. This must be the lamest english lyrics you've ever seen T_T

Sunday, December 04, 2005

A Cry in The Air

Indonesian mode : ON
Spoiler Alert status : green

Aku tidak begitu ingat dengan jelas, kapan tepatnya aku mulai menulis.

Yang kuingat adalah, ketika aku merasa sedih atau gundah, segera kuambil pena dan mulai menulis. Akan kutumpahkan semua perasaan yang mengikat itu ke dalam kertas. Bahasaku memang masih sangat berantakkan, dengan frase yang juga tidak terlalu bagus, namun semua tulisan yang aku buat memang bukan untuk publikasi, alias hanya untuk konsumsi pribadi –maaf kalau kedengarannya terlalu egois-. Semua itu karena aku kurang tahan berlama-lama dengan kebanyakan ide yang menumpuk di kepala. Yah sebelum semua ide itu menghilang dengan sia-sia, tak ada salahnya kan, aku burn ke dalam sebuah tulisan yang tidak berharga =).

Sejak kelas 1 SD, aku suka menggambar (dan membuat komik pada saat itu juga). Kebiasaan itu terus berlanjut hingga aku SMP. Saat-saat itu memang momen yang paling produktif, karena aku mempunyai begitu banyak teman (dan juga rival tentunya =P) dengan hobi dan ketertarikan yang sama. Dan saat SMP itulah aku menulis novel pertamaku. Mengapa novel? Hanya karena aku tidak mampu membuat cerpen. Bukan apa-apa, cerita sederhana bisa menjadi sangat panjang bila aku tulis. Aku tidak bilang bahwa kisah-kisah tersebut bermutu, tapi aku begitu asyik sehingga tidak sadar telah menulis lebih dari 40 halaman saat pertama kali :S. (cerita yang jauh dari kategori ‘bagus’ sebanyak 40 halaman? Dapat kau bayangkan betapa membosankannya T_T).

Saat duduk di bangku SMA, aku baru merasakan betapa sakitnya dikhianati orang-orang yang harus kau anggap keluarga. Jika kau jujur, kau akan dibohongi, jika kau percaya, kau akan dikhianati. Dan saat itu, kau harus benar-benar bergantung pada kekuatan sendiri. Aku tidak melebih-lebihkan, apalagi mengada-ngada. Setidaknya, itulah yang kurasakan ketika pertama kali menginjakkan kaki di tempat itu. Kala itu, menulis memang benar-benar menjadi obat yang mujarab. Ia akan setia mendengarkan keluh-kesahmu, bahkan ia akan menjadi tempat dimana kau memutar kembali memori-memorimu (baik yang ingin kau ingat ataupun kau lupakan). Perlahan tetapi pasti, akhirnya aku bisa menempatkan diri dengan benar di tempat itu, pastinya dengan tetap menjadi diriku sendiri.

Hingga sampailah kini di bangku perkuliahan. Kehidupan metropolis yang pathetic, benar-benar menjauhkan aku dari menulis. Bukan, menulis yang kumaksud disini bukanlah menulis esai ataupun laporan, tapi menulis apa yang ingin kau tulis dari lubuk hati terdalam. Lagi-lagi aku tidak pernah bilang bahwa aku menikmati menulis tentang segala esai dan project yang berlebihan menyita waktu, tenaga dan pikiran =).

Dan akhirnya aku baru menyadari euforia yang sedang terjadi di dunia tulis-menulis. Betapa anak-anak muda sekarang begitu gencarnya menulis, hingga muncullah beberapa genre baru dalam dunia kepenulisan. Teen lit? Chick lit? ataupun Metro-lit? Jujur saja, aku sedih melihat hal tersebut. Sedih yang lebih kepada iri. Mereka telah memulai dengan berani. Mereka telah selangkah lebih maju. Meninggalkan aku disini yang masih berkutat dengan segala kepenatan dan kehampaan. Aku ingin seperti mereka. Aku ingin kembali menulis. Walapun aku sadar, mungkin tulisanku begitu tidak pantasnya untuk dibaca, namun setidaknya itu akan menjadi obat kekosongan yang melanda selama ini =).

Dan sekarang, saat ini, Singapore, hari Minggu, 4 Desember 2005 pukul 11:36 pm, aku mengambil pena dan sebuah buku berwarna biru yang telah lama aku simpan.

Akupun mulai menulis... lagi.