Dearest my beloved roomie,

Though years had come and gone so fast, our memories made will always last.

Happy 20^th my dear, May God bestows long lasting happiness and grants all of your dreams and wishes. Good luck for everything in love and life =).

P.S. Above is the pic when i was still in senior high, the moment right after the announcement of final exam result. I looked cute, didn't I?^^

My sincerest apology for not keeping thou an update,

Been so-called busy along these days, doing data collection for my applied research project, reading whatsoever literature review for my applied research project and constructing research design and methodology for my applied research project. Everything is about applied research project *bleh*. By the way, Business students’ final year project is called ‘Applied Research Project’ instead of ‘Final Year Project’. So what is the difference? We just want to be rather different, it sounds distinct and cool^^v.

I do my ARP with my all time partner-in-crime Adilla, and a Human Resource Student, Robin (have to admit his scholastic English since he has been living in the state and somewhere in Europe). Our ARP investigates about ‘Level of Informativeness in Cross Cultural TV Advertising in Singapore’. Frankly, I love the study of Marketing Communication and Cross Cultural Advertising (but unfortunately didn’t score very well in my ‘Integrated Marketing Communication’ module, it was just slightly out of my expectation). Perhaps that explains why my very first choice of course in NTU back then is ‘Communication Studies’ instead of ‘Business’.

Am so excited for editing the ads and translating them (we put our emphasis on English, Chinese and Malay ads), but super duper anxious in doing the data analysis. I have no experience in using SPSS software to conduct p-test, z-test or whatever test involving statistical analysis (this is the consequence for shamelessly being a free rider in my ‘Research Methods’ group and studying like crazy just for the sake of the exam second last semester ago).

So anybody proficient in SPSS reading this post, please, I beg you to tell me how to use that. If you don’t want to miss a chance to scold my mistakes for not keeping an eye to my ‘Research Methods’ module, please go ahead and scold me >_<. Argh, this is so pathetic T_T.

Operation Code Name : 'Gentlemen Killer'

Your Ideal Marriage Proposal Is

You asking him when you're ready (after turning him down many times!)

What's Your Ideal Marriage Proposal?

Having tried this test for the third times yet the result was still the same -____-".

WTH!!

I have no luck in getting the result i want. It always ended like this T_T. Everything about myself in Blogthings is lie!

So I am a killer queen? yeah, that's pretty COOL anyway -_-"

"Too cute" pose (and not "too cool" *vomitting*)

Today accidentally skipped part time job with Adilla and went to NUH to visit Dhana. He looked pretty well upon his post-surgery. Get recover soon^^.

Managed to catch some cool photos of me *wink*. Anyway, I created a chaotic mess in the room along with Deput, Wuri, Coby and friends XD. I was very sorry for all room occupants (since some of them were quite pissed off). Just blame Coby and Deput!!

Finally I was able to experience NUH bed, without undergoing creepy medication^^.

That super cute ballon was actually a gift from Dika, Della, Indah & Tessa^^.

Zettai Dame!!!!

If the donkey falls into the hole once, a brainless idiot fell twice.
But that dense moron WON’T FALL third times!

Never!
Never!!
NEVER!!!

I’m not supposed to read Shoujo manga *sigh* (since all I need to do is reading Shounen-ai manga, hihi^^), but this time NANA suits my taste very well. Ai Yazawa, the creator, is really best known in transforming fantasy into real! The story uniquely flows from one person’s perspective into another, without leaving us tangling in confusion. And gosh, the clothes in the manga are super cool! Most of the characters have ultra adorable fashion sense!

NANA has been made into movie with Mika Nakashima and Aoi Miyazaki as the leading roles. By the way, one of my biggest yet impossible dream is to be the vocalist of a punk or gothic-rock band (er, I can see you laughing until mad, really!) and perhaps that is the most valid reason why I’m really into NANA -since Nana in the story also share the same dream.

Even though you are lost, the door is open.
Aren't you satisfied with the world of just two of us?

Because I give you wings, please believe me and you will be okay to fly.

Kiss me good-bye, love is memory
Even though I lose you

(Kiss Me Good-bye ~Angela Aki, Final Fantasy XII theme song)

Yay, Exam is finally over though I still smell no freedom!

Just now listening to 'Kiss Me Good-Bye', a touching sad love song that put me into half-weeping. Argh, I want to go home right now, and play Final Fantasy XII -one RPG that i yearn the second after Suikoden series =P-. I've been waiting for the English version in almost 2 years! Now that it's successfully released, I still have no time to play it (I'm no longer a loyal fan of RPG, shame myself *sobbing*).

I am brutally in fever of sending resumes along with cover letters, but have never been able to state there that my hobbies (actually) are watching illegal anime, downloading licensed comics and playing pirated games. It is not a normal hobby for people applying a permanent job as management trainee or investment banking position. Despite my severe unwillingness, I put some boring hobbies such as 'reading books of my field of interests' and so on and so forth (how boring T_T).

Oh, an out of mind interview session has just come out in my mind :
Interviewer : So what's your hobby, young lady?
Me : My hobby is playing Playstation 2 and I always thought that playing PS2 in PC using emulator is kinda interesting.
Interviewer : Yes, interesting. So what game do you play?
Me : Well, RPGs are definetely my favourite.
Interviewer : True! I like RPG too. What series did u manage to finish?
Me : Final Fantasies, Suikodens, and some old series like Legend of Mana, Chrono Cross, Xenogears, etc.
Interviewer : Awesome! Let's play together in lunch time. Anyway, when can you start working?
Me : =)

..................... (corny)

Such a stupid brainless -_-". Anyway, I'm dying to play Final Fantasy XII (the pirated version, of course^^)!

Down the trails of the beats,
roar along lions and tigers.
Yonder the glowing sky is a paradise.
A youth lost in the prison of loneliness asks:
Weakness and anger, are they enemies without shape?

("Eulogy of a Chivalrous Youth" –ALI Project) Ending Theme of Code Geass
~Translation by Police Grammar

Goodness!

'Code Geass : Lelouch of the Rebellion' is so damn cool!

Police Grammar has encouraged me to watch this series. At the beginning I wonder whether this anime depicts some aspects of fan-service or such -Police Grammar’s all time favorites-, but after watching the first episode I am truly captivated by its twisted storyline, gorgeous characters design (as they were made by CLAMP), twisted storyline, swift and heartbreaking battle, twisted storyline, stunning soundtracks and more importantly twisted storyline =P.

It has tons of Bishounen afterall (Aaaa kakkoi na Lelouch-kun to Suzaku-kun!! *nosebleeding*)

Conversation between God and a Sinner :

“O Dear God, I’ve committed those 10 unforgivable sins, what should I do to redeem my sins?”
(Sounds of thunderbolt and earthquake) “Redemption, O’ Thou shalt study until thy last drop of blood!”

And here I am, altogether with some devoted single fighters to commit loyalty for Examination Wisdom. Studying until half die in Canteen, right after Library was closed down.

Karina, Business/3rd year (double major in Banking& Finance and Accountancy) -still single^^-
I'm lucky to have her as a neighbor, since she sometimes miss-called me in the morning (just to find out that I was felt asleep again after receiving her calls) and nicely hogged me a seat in the super crowded Library every morning. Really admire your tremendous effort and down to earth-ness. Good luck for you, girl ^^.

Apret, Business/3rd year (Marketing), but currently studying English Literature just to pursue a Minor.
Er, honestly speaking i'm not that fatso as appeared in the photo, but sometimes certain angle can make you look fat. No, I mean I'm not fat ever since there's no standard deviation in my current weight. And, did i mention that i'm not gaining weight during exam period? Oh well, perhaps readers could take myopic lenses to prove that i'm not fat. Oh whatever!

Dhana, Civil Engineering/3rd year, Mr. Absolute Histrionic^^
I can understand well if girls commit narcisstic acts, but not for guy! Amongst tons of my exam photos in my Handphone, two third of them were his photos. Aaaaaaaa *killed by his unevocative narcissm*.
Anyway, all the best for exam^^.

Doni, Electrical and Electronics Engineering/3rd year
A rumor stated that he will undergo his attachment in Accenture *sounds of fireworks*. He keeps refused to take picture, this time I finally get his. Good luck for you!

Actually there are some people coming with us, but since i were not able to catch their images then i feel sorry for them^^.

Went to Royal Danish Embassy to apply Visa, and was quite shocked to find out that its processing time for Indonesian takes about 2-3 months *fainted*, while Singaporean needs only 1 week for proceeding. Meanwhile, I’ve issued the ticket already. Gosh, I hope everything goes well at least 2 weeks before my departure.

Had a short chat with Au Rora regarding this matter (along with its dilemma and ‘theatrical twist’), and she said firmly “just find your own path”. Thanks girl ^^.

I will be going for exchange to Copenhagen Business School Denmark in Spring semester. Primarily I only take 1 core Marketing subject (but am thinking of joining Danish Course and English Oral Presentation for Business –in order to improve my awful expression in English-).

Reasons to apply:

1) Copenhagen sounds cool anyway ^^
2) Man, it’s a part of Scandinavian country, means tons of grotesque medieval castles and gorgeous palaces were there! (screaming of a Role Playing Game fan ^^)
3) I’m fed up with German and French and intend to learn Danish
4) I want to banish this Singlish accent T_T
5) I aim to gain international exposure and become Indonesia ambassador
6) Going to somewhere in the state is much expensive
7) Going to England is troublesome, since we should apply for additional Schengen Visa and are unable to travel along the entire Europe as easy as those staying in Germany, France or such

Nah, that’s all a lie!

Only the first and second points come from the bottommost of my heart. No 3 is definitely a lie! No 4 is really inevitable! No 5 is one rubbish sentence I wrote in the essay and resume. No 6 and 7 are additional lies ^^.

Anyway please cross your finger on me *sobbing*.

(images on the top is Copenhagen Business School from inside that i got from googling^^)

10 Commandments of Exams :

1) Thou shalt not watch any anime during exam period
2) Thou shalt camp in library until its closing time
3) Thou shalt not involve in sinful gaming activities
4) Thou shalt not watch L'Arc-en-Ciel AWAKE Tour in Library PC -_-"
5) Thou shalt not download any scanlation during exam period
6) Thou shalt not open anime/manga conversation with your study mate in library
7) Thou shalt not touch IRC, especially Rizon channel
8) Thou shalt not oversleep and overweight during exam
9) Thou shalt study until thee last breath
10) Thou shalt study and study and study (and not opening blogger.com and type this whole rubbish!)

What a sin, what a sin, what a sin. O’ God I beg your forgiveness.

Whatever, I just don’t care anymore.

I am currently tagged by Peace Maker Kurogane and enchanted by Okita Souji’s high level of evocative charisma. In fact, Okita Souji is a living legend prodigy who joined Shinsengumi, a special force of the late shogunate period in Japan. He is the captain of the 1^st troop in Shinsengumi. He looks jovial and childlike in person but turns out to be a cold blooded demon when he is on duty. His dual personality makes him super cool, no wonder countless of manga artists are deeply inspired by him ^^.

Soujiro Seta, my favourite character in Rurouni Kenshin does resemble him so much, ever since they shared the same swordsmanship skill (as they both possess Kikuichi as their wielded famous katana), though Soujirou is just a fictional character.

However Okita died at the age of 25 because of tuberculosis (his illness was discovered when he was coughing blood and fainted in Ikeda-ya affair *anybody who watch Rurouni Kenshin OVA definitely will recall this scene*).

These photographs are to familiarize yourself with Souji-kun ^^

Okita Souji in Kaze Hikaru ~a manga by Taeko Watanabe
He looks manly in this series.

Okita Souji in Rurouni Kenshin (Samurai X)
He is really Soujiro Seta's doppleganger (well in fact Soujiro is inspired by him anyway ^^)

Okita Souji in Peace Maker Kurogane

I love this portrayal the most! Souji-kun is really gentle and soft^^.

By the way, why Souji-kun is always associated by bishounen and childlike images (even gorgeous at sometime)? Even though I know for sure that the real Souji might not be that good looking as those fake portrayal =P.

Went to Tegar's blog and was purposely trying this test =P.

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid Personality Disorder:	Low
Schizoid Personality Disorder:	Low
Schizotypal Personality Disorder:	Moderate
Antisocial Personality Disorder:	Low
Borderline Personality Disorder:	Moderate
Histrionic Personality Disorder:	Moderate
Narcissistic Personality Disorder:	Low
Avoidant Personality Disorder:	Low
Dependent Personality Disorder:	High
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:	High

Thank God, at least i am still normal *lolz* (and more importantly, i AM NOT NARCISSISTIC!) XD

When poison pills seem to be more celestial than heavenly fruit…

Today I was being scolded by my Literature lecturer. Well, she mentioned that my structure of essay is wholefully messy and wild, the entire expression of English is at faulty, and that is uneven called a piece of work. I was stunned and suffocated at that moment. Knowing that you’ve done poorly for the thing you love is an utter pain. While I was sitting in the library, I even cannot concentrate for a single moment, especially when those commentaries wandering in my empty mind.

But the thing is, I intend to take Literature module due to my lack of understanding in English, and I want to improve that so badly. I am keen to write and love to read, though those motives might not enough to be proficient in Literature.

Luckily, Bro Hamid has returned my self esteem by saying that he never heard about someone majoring in English Literature turn out to be a million dollar writer and noble receiver. We write because we want people to understand what our thinking is, and to meet that particular aim, no need to produce an ‘A’ literature essay, as everybody can write everything they like. That is, -pardon the pun- indeed true! Hail Bro Hamid!

By the way, just walking to Ddee’s blog and trying this test =P

You Are a Bright Star Soul

Like a shining star, you have no trouble being the center of attention In fact, you often feel a bit hurt when all eyes aren't on you You need to be number one in everything, no matter how trivial And it's this ego that both hurts your confidence and helps you acheive You're dramatic and a powerhouse of pure energy You posess a divine quality or uniqueness that's hard to define A natural performer, it's likely you'll become famous in some circles. Just learn not to take everyone's reaction to you so personally! Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul and Prophet Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

My goodness, I am not an exhibitionist. In fact I am just a shy and tacit girl T_T

Examinations and Wishes : A Tribute

To : Apret
Buat rummie gw, cayo FYP-nya. Ganbatte yaaa
~ Rummie yg mau ditinggalkan

Fur my lovely roomie, thank you very much and please cross your finger on my FYP. Good luck for you as well; I know you will be able to make it in exams (since you can endure to push yourself that hard). And if everything goes well, you will miss me for one whole semester =).

To : Apret
Apret, apret, apret, makasih yaa, buat insight2nya kemarin2. Met belajar buat exam yaa, semoga impiannya setelah lulus nanti tercapai, amin! All the best!
~Fika

Dearest Fika, the truth is you are the one who grant me those invaluable insights and advices. Going with the status quo is so yesterday, hence I should thank you in showing me how to cautiously deal with hesitation and respond quickly to the challenges. All the best for your final year, let’s save the best for the last! =)

To :Apratz

Apratz, makasih banyak bantuannya selama ini, mulai dari GL GTD8, makanan & snack-nya, ampe nasehat2 en dukungan morilnya. Aku doain moga2 hasil examnya memuaskan en sukses buat Exchange-nya ya!

~Dhana

Dearest my all-time best partner in crime, no thank me, thank you! Honestly speaking, you are one of my role model, as you can laugh in both joy and adversity, strive so hard to fulfill your recent ambitions and are able to position yourself within all situations (though needless to say, you are also a suitable colleague in gossiping up to date affairs and spreading grapevines in no mercy XD). I must thank you for setting me those fruitful examples. Really wishing you a grand triumph in doing exams =).

To : Apret
Sukses buat exam terakhir di NTU.
NB, beliin gw sepatu donk, Converse ya =P
~Orang Baek

-_-“ Dear Orang Baek, good luck for you as well, and hopefully this is really my last exam in NTU (and next semester’s exams will be done in Copenhagen =P). Later I’ll present you Converse keychains, until that time to come please bear with Hang-Ten T-shirt XD.

Untuk Fans setiaku
Konnichiwa! Katanya kamu penggemar berat saya yah? Padahal saya juga penggemar berat kamu lho!
Sukses FYP nya! Dan jangan lupa beli album saya yang terbaru
~Hyde

Dearest my cutesy wutesy Hyde, it is very sweet of you, coming down to Singapore and sending me this lovey dovey wishes XD.
In a nutshell, next time please just send me L’arc-en-Ciel’s concert pass for VIP guest, or else, your recent private live performance is also acceptable XD.
For your information, I illegally downloaded your latest album at the first day it was officially launched *evil grin*.

To : Apret
Allow Mbak, met exam! Karena lagi ngirit gw ngirim satu aja yah. He3.
~Vicky

Dearest my benevolent ex-neighbor, I’m truly delighted of your kindness. You never absent in sending me wishes in the past 2 years =D. All the best in securing job, facing exams and doing everything you want =D.

Perhaps thousands of thanks couldn't express how grateful I am for having you to strengthen and make me stand still in the midst of distress. Thank God for spilling over me with those people I love. Thank you =).

You're enveloped in a glass labyrinth
Together with the mist in hollow eyes

Slipping through my fingers
I breathe a pure white sigh in the night sky
The snow flying down began to paint a spiral on my upturned forehead

(‘In Forest’ ~La’Cryma Christi)

Since the first time I overjoyed hearing this song, I turned out to be a silent ‘Simpatia’ (La’Cryma’s official fans club). La'cryma Christi's early tunes are very dreamlike and multilayered with a heavy influence of Eastern mysticism and mythology. One aspect I love the most is their super-catchy melodies and deceptively atmospheric harmonies. Perhaps La’Cryma isn’t the top charters as Laruku or Lunasea, but their music is wickedly grooved in constant.

But I’m no longer mesmerized ever since they will be disbanded soon after finishing their very last live performance. I can hear resounding cries of Simpatia all over Japan T_T.

It's okay to act as if I know everything for now, right?
If doing this will change me who is weak.
This tears we had always have same taste
Someday, I'll laugh at the past when I have lied to become strong

(‘Liar’ ~Janne Da Arc)

At the same time I also develop one-sided love with Janne Da Arc, another J-Rock band. Their music is simply hard and complicated (each personnel seems to be superbly proficient of their specialties). Janne’s tunes are quite upbeat (and that’s very me! No wonder I feel emotionally attached to them, especially when hearing ‘Feel the Wind’ or ‘Dolls’), and more importantly, Yasu’s voice has character (though most of J-Rock vocalists definitely must have falsetto =P).

It’s time to reveal my Deviant Art account XD.

http://apret.deviantart.com

Please do take a look, and if you have any, please share with me and allow me to add you in my friendlist. (I never pay much attention to this account –no favourites, no friends, no devious comments, in fact it is very plain and booooring T_T)

I was at Yong Siew Toh Conservatory Concert Hall with Au Rora to watch String Chamber Evening (Pal, thanks for showing me this amazing place!). For free admission show (yes, I honestly confess that it is free, no wonder I was coming), it was really extraordinaire! Perhaps most people could fall asleep when viewing it, but I drowned in fascination that moment, as if I was there at Sydney Opera House or such XD.

Really want to learn classical piano! And later become soloist and perform in Esplanade *midsummer night’s dream*.

By the way, my short story has won Lip-Ice Selsun Short Story Competition. Adilla and I got the same place, as ‘the best 30 short stories’. Well, since I never produce creative writing in the past 2 years, I am pretty satisfied with the result ^o^. We suppose to get parcels from sponsors as gift. Afterall I need to be more persistent to write T_T.

This week’s accomplishment, I finally submit my resume along with cover letter to Boston Consulting Group ^o^ *sound of fireworks* (bunch of thanks to Adilla and Police Grammar for editing). Reasons to apply, mostly because there were a lot of people applying and my lovely Adilla did the same thing! (O Adilla, if you fly to seventh heaven, please take me with you, if you fall to abyss of hell, please throw me instead XD XD)

Exam is coming in two weeks time! I oblige to hog seats in library every morning and camp there until closing time *sobbing*.

Things I (did/wasted) During My Return

O, RPG wisdom
Thou has shown thee wonderful charm
I am trance!

Yay!! I finally finished Suikoden V and accomplished good ending. Not only I was able to gather all of 108 characters safely and alive, but also, I GOT “true” good ending!

Prince and Lyon become Queen’s Knight and fight alongside brand new Queen Lymsleia to rebuild Falena Kingdom ^0^

However, I somehow missed tenses and breaks during the playthrough. I enjoyed myself killing boss battles, slashing worldmap enemies, committing one-to-one combat, and more importantly, controlling troops to slay foes in major battles *fainted in excitement*.

I’m dying to play another playthrough in New Game+.

There are still a lot more RPGs I want to explore!

Shadow Hearts, Xenosaga, Shining Tears, Grandia 2, Shin Megami Tensei, Star Ocean Till The End of Time, FINAL FANTASY XII, KINGDOM HEARTS II

Exams and FYP are tormenting T_T

Dear All,

Perhaps I'm not good to express feelings in words...

But in the first and foremost chance,
When God’s gate of infinite mercy is widely opened
And Angels descend from heaven spreading their gentleness
And Humans are born back to innocent in grace and blissful state

I beg your forgiveness to atone my past mistakes and every single sin I’ve committed =)

Taqaballalhu minna wa minkum, minal aidin wal faidzin

Happy Ied Fitr 1427H

P.S.
Sorry for dissapearing for a moment XD

These are the arts (eww, looks awful!), I displayed them in my board

Yesterday i went to Comic and Illustration Workshop held by Visual Art Society. It was so nice seeing people with same hobbies and interest gather together. Well, what could you expect of just 3 hours drawing workshop? Personally i just wanted to enjoy myself drawing without thinking much.

When the instructor saw my arts, he surely surprised and praised me -the thing he never do for the rest of the class. He mentioned that I do have talent, my drawing-eyes were so sharp and pretty, (though the clothes still looked stiff!), the whole shape was very good, etc *soaring to the seventh heaven*. I was very pleased, even more happy than getting A+ in a Quiz, although i somehow knew that perhaps it was kind of encouraging words. Still, i think those arts i draw were not that good (i never draw lately, much ado about nothing!).

The instructor invited me to visit his office on Sunday (sadly I'm going back already), and kept asking about my interest in Shoujo style.

From the time being, i realized that i do have passion in this business. Hopefully, i could apply as one of the instructor, or any position relates to this respect when I'm graduating next year. I have no guts to enter the stressful corporate world =P.

My sincerest apologies went to my father, who're longing his daughter to be a Public Accountant or Financial Analyst, and more importantly to my mother, who're expecting her daughter for being a doctor, nurse and teacher =P. Call me losers, but Devil-May-Care! I have no regrets!

I really don’t remember much about when my life has departured from
What is the so-called; real life?
So many unusual phenomena and sufferings
Hanging between reality and illusion
Realize what’s surrounding me
The end of life or the beginning of death
Do you notice me?

(Hyde’s Self Portrait Art and Words No 4)

Hyde-kun can write poetically beautiful text in both English and Japanese. His lyrics are well-written, contain persona and coldness aura in both English and Japanese. His writings are deep, pessimistic and dark in both English and Japanese. Simple and straightforward, earnest and bold in both English and Japanese.

Meanwhile, my English is broken, and my Bahasa Indonesia is just losing its souls. My English is overflowed by so many grammatical errors, while my Bahasa Indonesia is entirely pathetic. Atrocious and dreadful in English and Bahasa Indonesia, I am suck at both. Why can’t I also create good writings in both English and Bahasa Indonesia like the way he does?

Making a model dream
Following the dream in the white world
Breaking and following
Still breaking and following
... There is nothing

(Hyde’s Self Portrait Art and Words No 25)

It’s simply because… I’m not Hyde-kun T_T.

*Love the photos, very artistic ^o^*

Ramblings and My Parallel Mind

I’m currently enchanted by (again) the bizarre world of Kaori Yuki, titled Fairy Cube. The story is just moving relentlessly without flaws, and the twisted aspect is even worse. Sadly, it already ends in volume 3, and I manage to have them all ^o^. For Thou who are pretty curious about this new dazzling graphic novel, do not hesitate to borrow them from me.

Though I’m still thinking that Kaori Yuki’s masterpiece is ‘Angel Sanctuary’, thereby she portrays the chaotic aspects of heaven and hell as well as creates a satirical parody of Angels, God, Human and Demon’s presences. (But who cares since it has a romantic happy ending? ^o^), Fairy Cube is pretty cool to re-taste her amok and eerie world.

More importantly, I just heard a terrific news about the reunification of L’Arc-en-Ciel *so many screamings out there*. Finally they commend a live tour performance in the entire Japan, and soon thereafter, Le Ciellers can vote their favorite singles to be included in their brand new singles compilation. I choose ‘In The End’ as my most desired single, and not ‘Flowers’ or such. The reason is simply because our darling Hyde-kun plays tambourine inside the song, and the way he performs that song in Live Concert is super adorable. (Why not he constructs Qasidah songs instead? And plays Nasyid perhaps?)

Moving to the issue of securing job before graduation, I have to admit that I cannot escape them. Afterall, I don’t want to be a burden of my parents to payback my Tuition Fee and Study Loan. I’m not a risk averse person, who could runaway somewhere out of this world avoiding the 3 years bond. I want to play safe. Nevertheless, I still have no idea about what career option I should choose, or what company to start into? Anything comes to my mind is just Procter and Gamble, a largest FMCG company all around the world. Well, we’ll see whether my not so beautiful grades can take care of this T_T.

Numerology Readings

I'm going to Astrology.Com and coincidentally trying to find my numerology readings which (interestingly) reflect me the most! Frankly speaking, I don't want to believe in such, but the readings more or less reveal the portrait of my personality =S.

Here are the infamous readings:

A deep inner restlessness and discontent with the status quo makes you seek out adventure, excitement, and the unconventional. You thrive on new ideas, change, travel, experimenting with new ways of doing things. Predictability and routine make you feel lifeless and unhappy so you must find a lifestyle that is varied enough to be mentally stimulating and challenging. Independent, freedom-loving, and easily bored, you have trouble making commitments and finishing projects. You often "move on" prematurely, whether in a personal relationship or in your work. You need to develop discipline and perseverance when you have an important goal.

You have many talents and need many outlets and avenues for their expression, but try to finish one thing before attempting the next.

True, it resembles the personality of an artist *lol*. The conventional career path doesn't suit me very much (sadly, I cannot escape it , at least from now on*sobbing*).

I waste my recess week just to commit sinful misdemeanors, such as watching shounen-ai movies, procrastinating, sleeping, writing rubbish, as well as engaging in many other sluggish activities (O’ Dear God, Please bestow me Your compassionate atonement for those sins I’ve committed T_T).

What makes me annoyed is the matter of plot device of those movies I watched, ever since they don’t have a lovey dovey happy ending. Though I love to see the twisted and melancholy ending, still I do expect some characters to deserve a happy ending after countless agonies they’ve encountered with. *Spoiler Alert*

Loveless

“’It’ is your future, it is your destiny.” –Seimei, in the last episode.

Starting from Loveless, the story has some shocking revelations, such as the cat-boys as protagonist, and the issue of homosexual and heterosexual pairings as the matter of destiny faced by humans. The narrative begins when the 17 years old Seimei told his only brother, Ritsuka, about his real name, which is ‘Beloved’. Soon after, Seimei was found dead, and Ritsuka suddenly lost his memories. Later, a man called Soubi tells Ritsuka about his real name, ‘Loveless’, and they start to investigate the mysterious death of Seimei and reveal the horrible truth behind that respect.

I do admire Ritsuka for struggling restlessly against the cruel fate that he runs into, notwithstanding the fact that he’s just a 12 years old boy. But the thing is; I hate the way the movie ends, since it shows neither resolution nor exact conclusion. The mysteries concerning the death of Seimei are still there, means Ritsuka must still beckon the torments of his destiny. And, for Soubi, please I beg you to protect our helpless Ritsuka!

Yami no Matsuei

“Those who live in the darkness wander aimlessly.” –opening quote.

Yami no Matsuei, which literally means ‘Descendant of Darkness’ is not a recommended movie for the weak-hearted and the narrow minded, as it shows dark twisted tales, pertaining to murders, rape, homosexuals and many aspects of incurable mental illnesses possessed by the characters. The story revolves around the Gods of Death who investigate the case of peculiar death caused by the mysterious evil spirits (which later be found that it originally committed by one person). Well, I’m utterly disappointed with the ending, since it still leaves me so many inexplicable questions. The villain, Dr Muraki, is still alive, after causing countless casualties, and our seductive gods of death, Tsuzuki and Hisoka are still dealing with impenetrable darkness inside their heart.

The truth is; I do weep after finishing this series, since I empathize with almost all of the characters in the movie (in fact, I’m the one who’s light hearted!). Our protagonists’ (as well as our beloved villain’s) childhood memories are extremely grotesque, and it is later revealed at the very end. Afterwards, the level of angst is worst, and yet psychotic (and I’m in love with those aspects *grin*).

In the end, I must pay that self-indulgence with painful trade offs (*thinking about camping in library to finish research methodology of my Applied Research Project, do the online simulation games for my Strategic Management module, and write two more Literature essays*).

The Launching of 'Sanctuaire'

I've decided to construct another blog to facilitate my in-depth understanding in Bahasa Indonesia. It's not that I’m too snob, as if I’m not accustomed to write in Bahasa T_T. In fact, that blog is written purposely to remind me of my past works since it shows no daily journals.

I attempt to display only the story synopsis and the minor description (along with the original illustration of every chronicle). So far, there are only 2 works right now as I will be working through them as the time goes by. Please do take a look if you have no other things to do =P. And, did I say that I extremely dislike critics so much =P? If you find irresistible to make me displease then just scold them, as I won’t pursue you to the edge of the world (instead I will curse you and your family for 7 generations *evil grin*).

Nah, just kidding. I’m a nice girl after all XD.

Well, the link is http://le-sanctuaire.blogspot.com

Finally, my sincerest gratitude goes to Adilla and Fanny who inspired me to display the writings =).

"If you betray me, I will go and die" -Cain to Riff; from "Kafka"

I’m currently addicted to Victorian and Edwardian stuffs as I’m endlessly borrowing classical music CDs, ranged from Beethoven to Debussy, also aimlessly watching Gothic Cathedral multimedia in library. Moreover, I’m planning to devour all of Edwardian and Victorian scrapbooks available in the library, while also watching some notable old movies such as Dickens’ Oliver Twist, Bronte’s Jane Eyre, and Collin’s Basil during recess break. Enough to say, I’m bloody curious of the nobles and commoners’ customs and way of living in that specific era. Then call me Victorian addict =P.

Well, honestly speaking, Kaori Yuki’s “GodChild” has influenced me a lot, since it takes place in the late Victorian era! I’ve realized that Cain (the main character) doesn’t reflect the portrait of a Victorian noble that much (since his haircut is more into a gothic J-Rocker’s rather than a well breed noble’s *Kaori Yuki rocks!*). But still, after going through most of Count Cain’s series, I totally fall in love with the Victorians’ conservatism. And, did I mention about the mysteriousness of Victorians’ most notable phenomenon, such as Jack the Ripper, our respectable Mr. Sherlock Holmes and the ridiculous yet horrible kids’ Nursery Rhymes? They simply add in the grotesqueness of Victorian traits, and GodChild tells them all flawlessly. From now on, nothing compares to GodChild (since it converts me into Kaori Yuki and Victorians’ fanatic).

By the way, someone has told me that I have lost my sense when writing in Bahasa. She informs me right after she read my latest short story. Afterwards, she couldn’t feel my presence inside the whole plot and dialogue (the contrary happens when she reads my works long time ago). My goodness, it feels like I have heart attack on the spot =S. Could I give a soul in every sentence? Did I really lose my sense in creating dialogue? Could I add in my true feelings towards all the words inside? Well, it is a trade off, since I never write in Bahasa ever since I came to NTU T_T. That’s just so depressing. I need to be more persistent to write!

Note : Images are taken from "GodChild".

To Dream is To Blind

Ma Chérie, if only the earth stops running
Will you be able to catch me and help me to reach the sky?
Though all that left in me is just a single wounded wing

Lately I found so many fabulous writings, in the form of short stories, novels and poems as well, which are written aesthetically in Bahasa Indonesia. I’m glad that most of teen-lit nowadays is skillfully written. Well, to be brutally honest, I envy them so much, since I also share the same obsession. I do admire them, for struggling consistently to accomplish their dreams.

One day, you should be able to prove my existence
Since I will do anything for that time to come
Even it means to end my life in your hands

Nevertheless, I am just a big mouth, with talking cock and criticizing anything as my special abilities. I couldn’t impress my readers at the first glimpse as they did, I am unable to arrange flowing paragraphs to stand my readers as they did. Everytime I start to write, I’m afraid people will nastily scolded my works. (No, I don’t blame them, I just suffer extreme paranoid of creating something that people detest). Right now I’m trying hard in dealing with my cowardice. For my honorable readers who’re able to teach me how to produce a good writing as yours, please I beg you to tell me. Thank you very much!

In the meantime, Ma Chérie
How dare you, to me make exist prominently
Within your life and soul

D.E.S.P.A.I.R

Please tell me the truth
Is fate unchangeable?

I am at a stake, drowning in madness, sinking in despair.
I beg you already, don't forge me a fake hope.
Let me sleep, and forget everything,
so that i can start my new beginning of glory.

Even at his most powerless
Man's existence is never without meaning

New Age Feudalism

This week is overwhelmed by some recruitment talks, starting from Exxonmobile, Deustche Bank, Credit Suisse, P&G, Citibank and such, in which I care no longer, since they’re obviously looking for students with outstanding academic achievement –dearest my fellow readers, it’s not ‘good’ student anymore, it’s ‘outstanding’ student! Go away somewhere out of this world, since your presence is just to irritate underlings like myself!

My brain boils with hatred, ever since I find out that people’s values are utterly determined by their grades, and how many As they get for one whole semester. I feel super duper insulted, when people do over-proclaim regarding their academic achievement, especially those who’re repeatedly saying disappointment for not getting A+ in some subjects. Do they really care about the weaklings, who’re struggling just to pass certain subjects? Do they think that people who’re worth to live in this ferocious world are just the gifted beings with thousands of A in their transcript, and the rest of the unfortunate players are only meant to get scolded by them? If that’s so then let’s go to Mars, being the super intelligent Martians and later invade the earth!

I will never ever hand in my precious lifetime to work for bloodsuckers! In my wildest imagination, I will build my own Queendom, fight alongside the weaklings as kings and nobles while converting the superiors to proletarians.

Cause I am sitting in my therapeutic asylum,
In which nobody knows, nor cares
I’ll indulge myself there, in my boundless sanctuary
It’s okay with the world!

Superbatch65 Outing Part I : Chinese Garden

This weekend is projected to be fun, since I have arranged an extraordinaire outing along with my not-so-lovely Superbatchers =p. While I was so keen in setting up all the games and preparing foods for half-day trip, some of my buddies couldn’t come along with us. Well, everybody was horribly busy during these days, preparing quiz, written report and such (on the top of that, we are already 3^rd year students!).

Firstly I really want to ask my friends to obey our dress code for this trip, which is : “Oh-My-Not-So Beautiful Childhood” (direct translation from ‘Masa Kecil ku Kurang Bahagia”). However, watching late adolescents going out with balloons, short pants and even pampers was terribly atrocious -_-“. Finally we went out with casual clothes instead of wearing those peculiar stuffs =P.

Reaching Chinese Garden, unpleasant news then came. Chinese Garden was temporary closed due to mid-Autumn Festival renovation! All of a sudden, I was sinking in a very bad mood, ever since I slept very late at 4AM and forced to rise earlier to prepare those foods). My eyes were nothing but Panda’s, and my expression turned out to be Mak Lampir’s -ready to devour its sworn enemies (what kind of metaphor are these?-_-“).

Luckily somebody suggested playing “Wolf-Cupid-Oracle” Game in front of Chinese Garden gate while eating our prepared foods. (Am I right? What is the real name anyway?). This game was very interesting as it seems. We learnt of accusing the culprits, deducing our companions as well as reading people’s inner mind. In the end I attempted to identify my buddies’ actual self when playing this game, starting from:

Arief -He is worth to be killed earlier in the game, since his comments and stuffs don’t bring significant impacts throughout the game regardless of whatever role he becomes ^^.

Wuri –No talents for being the culprit. He’s just too honest and less challenging person =P. You can exile him whenever you want in the game =P.

Deput –He is devil at heart! Regardless of whatever role he is, he keeps putting mouth on anything, which makes people suspicious (or rather fed up). My one and only suggestion, put him as moderator or else slay him at the very beginning before you ever regret it =P.

Bhro –When he’s hungry, he’ll grumpy all over again. On the contrary, he will be completely silent when he’s full. I’m thinking of letting him hungry during the game in order to make the situation even worse =P.

Rizaldi –His innocent face always helps him in most of the times. My critical suggestion: don’t you ever believe his facial expression, since he shows either retard-look or guiltless face during the game =P.

Aurora –She is dangerous player, able to read people’s mind. Keep her when she’s being companion, but assassinate her mercilessly when she becomes the villain (As she’s so smart, don’t let her kill you first =P)

Aninto –Another culprit at heart, but interestingly, he can perform unpredictable moves. As he can hardheartedly kill his partner, he’s also potentially hazardous player. Anyway, be careful of him, otherwise you’ll be easily die because of his sinful demeanors =P.

Yoga –He can accuse people randomly, which makes the condition terribly twisted. Well, murder him whenever you like, but be careful for pointing him to be the ‘Elder’ =P.

Fariz –He’s another pain in the ass, as he’s always being killed at the very beginning -_-“. As the most unfortunate player, let’s cross our finger on him for not being killed in the next game =P.

Ruwadi –Our second less fortunate player in the game, since he’s always be murdered by mistake. He’s at best for being the moderator, since he can narrate finely (though resembles the aged Puppet Player so much -_-“).

This journal is written as a tribute to Putu, Lina, Dhana, Wajan and Dika, as they couldn’t join this so-called wonderful trip =). Hopefully they can join us on our second part Outing, which is KTV Orchard Road (this is later to be confirmed XD).

Thank you very much for lightening my day. Long lasting friendship, Superbatchers =)

Raison D Etre

How do we prove that we exist?
Perhaps we don’t exist
Even if we do have a reason to exist

Yay, I was so enthusiastic to write a short story after finding out a word called ‘Raison D’Etre’ (which literally means ‘reason to exist’) in my Strategic Management textbook. (Such a strange way to begin with, but inspiration comes from nowhere!).

The problems lay on the plot, in which I don’t know how to start on and how to end. Well, I should go to the dreamland immediately to fresh my mind, since idea will be easily fly towards the tranquil state of mind XD.

Underneath those fake smiles
Do you really understand my existence?

Rubbish Trivia II ^^

Well, somebody has saliently challenge me to prove whether my current haircut really does resemble Hyde's. *beep beep* (sign of gigantic meaninglessness -_-") In order to induce all my honorable readers, please do take a look to those cutesy wutesy photos below =P:

Photo I : Apret (courtesy of @-PratZ'2006)

As you can see, this is my daily common appearance : an ordinary girl with her simple ordinary life. The haircut doesn't look like imitating him. But anyway, the photo is super cute, isn't it?^^ *beep beep beep* (signal of acute narcissism).

Photo 2 : PraZ (courtesy of @-PratZ'2006)

Next, take a look at this one. Perhaps this image really rings a bell, specially when you recalled about the traffic jam in Jakarta hectic night. Yes, you right, the street performer in the traffic light! Just add in sun-glasses, then you will know why! -_-" (What a cheapskate joke! That gorgeous face won't be a such!).

Perhaps I should consider for being a crossdresser, for the sake of my manly appearance -_-". Yay, i have a bishounen-look! *overly excited*

Readers, this is my second personalities, a melancholic boy with his pragmatic life! *clap clap clap*

Photo 3 : PraaZt (courtesy of @-PratZ'2006)

Hoho, this image has really shown notorious eyes and rebellious face. It reminds me of some gorgeous J-Rock band personnels with similar infamous hairstyle =P.

Lastly my honorable readers, this is my third personalities, a maverick rock band personnel with his upside-down life! *clap clap clap*

Now I'm sure you could distinguish that 'counterfeit haircut' that we're referring to ^o^. Have you convinced yet?

&^%##%^&*((*^$# !!!!!

Aarghhhhh, enough with this insanity! I still have mountanious tasks to be done by the end of this week : literature review of my Applied Research Project, torturing readings and essays of my Literature modules, project presentations and strategic planning Online Games! (collapsed *_*)

Rubbish Trivia =P

For those who are pretty curious about my recent haircut, I will tell you the story =P *beep*(signal of meaninglessness).

I watched L'Arc-en-Ciel : Club Circuit 2000 ReaLIVE tour, and suddenly noticed Hyde's damn cool haircut. (In fact it's not cool, it's just his cuteness was diminishing when he wasn't in short haircut).

And, voila! That becomes my new haircut XD. *though not really resemble him that much, since my instructions to the hairdresser was rather vague X(*

Any grumbling and protest are sincerely welcomed =P

Get Together Day 8 : Long Lasting Camaraderie

I’m trying to wipe away the GTD 8 aftertaste by doing crappy things all over again, however those memories won’t vanish easily from deep within my mind.

Some memories could just fly away and disappear without meaning
However, certain flowing reminiscences were really meant to be kept

At the first time I was really wondering whether I could handle Group Leader’s job lightly, ever since my partner was super intimidating *pardon my inappropriateness in choosing the right word to describe=P*. While I wasn’t really mind of small recklessness, he did concern towards all piece of cake thingy. Afterwards, if there’s something wrong, I would be the innocent scapegoat. But the truth is, I do really learn from him, how to put your concern on the small things, instead of just focusing on the big one.

I stand on the starless firmament in the luminous night
Gazing determinedly towards the boundless velvet sky

What’s more? Thank God the freshmen were cooperative and courteous. It wasn’t that problematic to accommodate them for joining this event. Perhaps they’re just too shy to express their true self since we’re often lack of loudness compare to others (Afterall they’re still fresh undergraduate =P). I am truly sorry to force you screaming and yelling crazily for most of the times, however I am sure all of you could grasp the excitement =).

Hopelessly longing to tear down the sands of time
Wishing vividly to freeze the moment, in an instant

Another bunch of thanks went to the faithful senior attach, who helped us during the games, especially the one who swap our answer so that we could get the completed clue of that silly riddle, and the one who inspired us to think about ‘Bermuda Triangle’ during outdoor games. Those were good job indeed! Again, sorry to force you for crying vigorously throughout the games, I didn’t mean to hurt your precious throat =P.

In this treasured lifetime voyage, my friends,
We have destined to meet, and to get together

Thanks for making my beginning of finale not so gloomy =).